Sunday, December 19, 2010

So, I definitely don't want ranting to be the default function of this blog. But since no one reads it anyway, and this is the first time..once in a while can't hurt, I suppose. :)

Anatomy of a failed proposition:

So this woman messages me on Facebook this morning. I vaguely remember friending her a few days ago- I friend people automatically, because what the hell. She says good morning, I say good morning back. And then she says. "so I see you're into Sado and Bizzare."

She loses a point right there, for basic manners. It's 8:25 in the morning, and just because I am at my desk does not mean that I am in any way awake. There must be people out there who respond to this sort of thing immediately, because asshats keep trying, but I am not one of them. Seriously, lady, I don't know you from Adam, and that's kind of personal.

Also, I personally find the term "Sado and Bizzare" to be affected, irritating and non-inclusive. I agree with Bitchy Jones on the use of deliberately obfusticating language. Or maybe I can just see in my mind's eye a girl in too much eye makeup saying, "I'm into Bizzaaaaaaaare", as though that gives her extra points in whatever scoring system of how completely awesome you are at sex we're using. Maybe I'm just cranky cause it's 8:25 in the morning. She couldn't have known that I don't like that particular phrase, so she gets a free pass, but I'm already ticked off at this point.

I answer, "Okay..." because I'm willing to give this conversation about 30 more seconds. And then she asks, "So are you a top or a bottom?"

Friends, this is not an appropriate question to ask a total stranger. I know that sometimes there is a certain lowering of what is considered acceptable hitting-on behavior because it's kink and we're all so sexually experimental! And free of social mores! And what are you, some kind of prude? Are you sex negative or something? And just ugh. Here is the thing: kink is more complicated than vanilla sex. It touches on powerful emotions and requires a great deal of trust. You need to be more careful, not less so, when selecting partners. I use far more rigorous filters when looking for kinky partners (if I was right now, and I'm not), which means that a person needs to be extra special fantastic if I'm going to play with them. And I don't need to justify that to anyone- I let into my bed only those who I want to, period.

It's not that I never have casual sex. But you have to be a pretty compelling person/I need to be a very specific kind of drunk/ the stars need to be aligned just so for that to happen. Of course, a perfect stranger can't know that about me, and that's the point. I think it's gauche to assume that someone you don't know is just going to hop into bed with you. Maybe (maybe) if I had spent some time at a party with someone and gotten physical cues that they were interested too I might proposition someone straightforwardly. But not online, and not a stranger.

Maybe I'm wrong in assuming that she wanted to play. But I don't think I am.

So, yeah. Rest of conversation similarly unproductive, unfriend, block.


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